Something special for Jules... Pt. 2

It's 1:15 in the morning and I'm tired to death but can't sleep. No, it's not a case of insomnia. Usually I lie there and imagine and think until I fall asleep, and tonight's thinking topic happened to be Part Two of my list of strange sights. Unfortunately my brain enjoyed it far, far too much to go to sleep, so I rolled out of bed (sorry--rolled out of my air mattress covered by a mosquito net) and sat down to write this post. Hopefully writing this will bring me some sense of closure and I can sleep after this. If not, I can always sleep during the day and avoid the kids.

Speaking of the kids, you would not believe how many times I've seen them in their underwear or stark naked. It's not that big of a deal since they're young, but it's going to become a big deal soon if they don't start warning me first. They just take off their clothes before/after their showers and casually walk around naked as if they're the leaders of a nudist community. 'Course, it might just be easier to send them to one since they're constantly ripping, tearing, and staining their clothes. A nudist community would be a welcome relief since we wouldn't have to waste so much time hopelessly washing their clothes over and over again.

On a similar note, it's worth mentioning that it's perfectly legal to pee on public walls here. Out by the street where an unlimited amount of people can see you. Luckily the women seem to have some restraint--we've only seen men public peeing.

I'm happy to report that Raymond and Joe are now somewhat at ease about peeing on the walls if there's nowhere else to go. Joe's first attempt was a disaster... we were just pulling out of a gas station when he began to whine about how much he needed to pee. Everyone was mad at him because he hadn't mentioned it before... no, he decided to make things harder and waited to say something until he had to pee to the point of pain.

We didn't want him to use the gas station bathroom, so we pulled over to a wall and tossed him outside to do his business.

Only he never did it. All he did was stand there facing the wall with his pants unzipped, bawling at the top of his lungs. For several minutes. We all yelled at him to hurry up and pee, but he was too busy crying to do it. REALLY?? There have been maybe three times in my life where I also was in pain from trying not to pee my pants, and let me tell you that I would've welcomed any kind of wall at those moments. Even if it's more awkward and much less dignified for girls.

Joe definitely had no dignity at that moment. We finally let him back in the car, still in pain, still crying, holding his stuff for dear life, and Carrie and Preston yelled at him all the way home. He said he hadn't gone because he was scared it was illegal, and Carrie said--Well, I won't repeat what she said, but she told him that it was definitely not illegal here and that a bunch of other people marked the walls without even thinking.

However, we finally have the boys trained to where they can pee on a wall with dignity if there is no bathroom around. Also, we have dubbed that particular area of Joe's first attempt as "The Other Wailing Wall". I find it fascinating that Joe has no problem leaving the bathroom door wide open while he pees but cringes at the thought of merely unzipping his pants for a quick leak in public.

One day I was talking to my friend Mattias, who is very interested in visiting Nicaragua as well. While telling him as many details of the country as I could think of, I suddenly recalled this incident and thought "Well, he might as well know now" and went ahead and told him the gruesome details. I didn't realize how big of an impact this story made on him until days later on Mattias's birthday. Carrie got on Facebook and sent him a "happy birthday" post on his profile. Mattias wrote back, "Thanks! Tell Joe congrats for peeing on a wall for the first time."

I've already mentioned on Facebook about seeing this particular sight, but some of you may not know this and it's wayyyy too good to not mention again and again. One day after church, we were driving around to find a place to eat lunch. I was staring out the window when... suddenly... could it be? No, it was too ridiculous to be true... but yet, there it was before my very eyes. I began to howl with laughter.

For there, my friends... was a baby stroller on the roof of a house.

I kid you not. And the roof was made of tin, so it's not like it was even all that safe up there. I just hope the brakes were on that thing, because what if it rolled forward on a windy day...? Also, how the heck do you get it up on the roof? And most importantly.... why?

I should also mention the stroller was empty. No baby inside. Had there been, it would've made me laugh even harder, but that might be my own sick personality.

Everyone knows the classic "Why did the chicken cross the road?" joke. The other day, I had the perfect excuse to ask that... with legitimate reason. Preston was driving and I was riding in the passenger seat when a random chicken decided to walk across the road. Preston didn't even slow down. But the chicken must have calculated the velocity of the car in its head, because it just crossed the road real casually.

Seriously, why did the chicken cross the road? Do Nicaragua chickens have different reasons than American chickens? Are they more suicidal? Do Nicaragua chickens have higher death rates? Beats me.

I was not around for this next strange sight, but holy crap I wish I was. Preston was riding in the car once with Jed, our Australian missionary friend who probably deserves a "Strange" post all to his own, but for now I'll leave him be. Jed's hilarious and he's got that awesome accent that I could sit and listen to forever.... and according to Preston, is a scary driver. I've yet to be in the car with Jed but am not sure if I should pray for that day to never come, or for it to come quickly out of curiosity. Anyways, Jed's a scary driver and he can get away with it because he's got an Australian license. Cops pull him over frequently, look at his license expecting to see an American driver's license (which they're used to dealing with). Imagine their shock when they see an Australian license... which they have no idea what to do with. You have no idea how badly this makes me wish I had a license from... I don't know... Madagascar or Africa or somewhere else that will really unsettle the Nicaragua police.

So Preston is in the car with him one day. It's raining heavily outside. The traffic is somewhat worse than usual, but is still going forward pretty fast. They're going along, minding their own business when suddenly a guy in a wheelchair appears to be inflicted with a case of car-envy and pulls into the traffic with his wheelchair. Seriously. He just goes out there, pumping his arms as fast as he can to keep up with the traffic flying all around him. What made things even better was that he was in the lane just ahead of Jed's car.

Jed decides to do the sensible thing...have fun and speed up. And up. And up. Come on, don't be so shocked; all you people would've done it in your secret hearts.

Preston is on the verge of fearing for the man's life by this point. Jed is now dangerously close to the wheelchair--and still flooring it. Suddenly, mercifully, he brakes just in time to avoid hitting the back of the wheelchair. The man seems to finally be realizing Hey, maybe this was an insanely stupid idea to be in the middle of the highway with a wheelchair, and begins to veer off the road. Unfortunately for him, Jed's car rams into a pothole that's FILLED with rainwater, and the water splashes all over the wheelchair guy, drenching him. He turns and screams "Asshole!" (but, you know, in Spanish... sorry for not censoring it but I'm trying to be as historically accurate as possible) at the car.

Here's the reason why Jed deserves his own "Strange" post. Most of us would cringe if we accidentally sprayed someone with water. We would wince, apologize inwardly, maybe smirk a bit to ourselves (I would be guilty of the latter).

Jed, however, beams and waves, yelling back happily "Sorry!" in his Australian accent, and drives away with Preston probably breathing heavily in the passenger seat.

I have a new joke: "Why did the man in the wheelchair pull out into the road?" Somehow, I don't think this will become quite as big of a hit as the chicken joke.