Beware of the friend-zone, my friend.

Have you ever had that good friend who you've known for years and years on end, and they had feelings for you but you never thought of them as more than that good friend who you've known for years and years on end?

Or on the opposite side of the spectrum, have you ever had that good friend who you've known for years and years on end, who you had crazy intense feelings for but no matter what you did they never thought of you as more?

I've been a part of both situations. There have been several guys who I've known seemingly forever, who have had crushes on me for several years and I never noticed a thing... or even noticed them to be someone who even thought of me that way. Oops. And then there has been one situation where I liked one of my guy friends for... how long did it last... I don't know, five years?

It was agony, let me tell you. I did a lot of things for him. For years I went out of my way to speak with him, to make him laugh, to listen, to be close by. I often dreamed about what it would be like the day he realized I was the perfect girl, the love of his life. It never happened, but I had hope that one day I would emerge from the friend-zone in his mind.

False hope, it turned out to be. It was indeed the hope that makes the heart sick--the kind of hope that is blind and which turns out to be fruitless because the only thing that keeps the hope alive is a mere wish that things will magically change because you want them to, not because there is any sort of reality behind it.

It took a long time for me to realize that he didn't like me, that he had no intentions of liking me, and that there was absolutely no point in liking him anymore. It was sickening, to be sure. And I did cry a little. But oddly, there was relief in letting those emotions for him go. More than relief... it was like a heavy burden--one which had developed over time, so slowly that I had never noticed it--had been taken off my shoulders. For the first time in years, I felt quite free. Happy, too... because now it could be just me and God.

That was months ago. And I wouldn't have posted this online for all to see except the fact that I'm finally realizing something that I should've realized then. Better late than never, though.

What if... okay, wrong way to start out that sentence. I'm pretty sure God feels this way, but I'll still say it as a rhetorical question. What if... this is similar to how God feels about us? What if He loves us unconditionally for years and years, before we were even born, no matter what we've done or what we do or what we're going to do? And what if we just think of Him as someone in the friend-zone?

There's no question as to if He loves us that way. He does. He loves us more than we can fathom, He loves us so much He sent His son to shed blood for us.

But I think a lot of us only view Him as a friend. I know I do. I tend to view Him as someone I've known for years, as someone I've grown up with, as someone who has become a great friend in more recent years. God is someone I trust (most of the time), someone I talk to and confide in, someone that I enjoy spending time with. I have a great friendship with Him.

But I haven't been in love with Him. To fully be in relationship with God, we must not only be great friends with Him but we must be deeply in love with Him. I never understood that until very recently. We must be completely in love with Him.

Thinking about it, it's hard to understand why I've never loved Him before. Why not? He's done so much for me that it's astonishing--He always makes me laugh. He's given me worth and beauty just because He made me. He's listened to everything I say. He tells me the truth even if I don't want to hear it. He protects me. He guides me. He has a wonderful plan for me, far better than anything I can imagine (and I have a pretty good imagination). He's healed me in places where I was deeply hurt. He's forgiven me for everything I've done and everything I will do. He's forgiven me for neglecting to think about Him and for not being obedient. He's always been there to sit with me, either silently or not so silently.

All this and more God does for me. And really, there's no reason for Him to make the effort. This is the dude who made the stars and the earth and the sky and the sun and the ocean and the mountains and all the intricate things of the universe. Sounds pretty intimidating, right? And yet all He wants is me. Us.

The more I think about it, the more amazed I am that I've placed God in the friend-zone for so long. For heavens sake, why have I done that?? No person could ever do all those things for me. Not even the best spouse in the world could come close. The best spouse in the world wouldn't have the strength to do that all the time, anyways.

I can feel my world shifting. I can feel my perspective changing, the same sort of thing that happens when you look at someone you know with fresh, new eyes. I can feel something happening inside of me, in my soul and my heart and my mind and even in my very skin. I can feel myself falling in love with God. The God who loved me first, who has always been with me through the years, who has never wavered from my side. The God who has never changed but who I'm suddenly viewing in a new way.

An hour ago I was lying in bed at the end of a very long and revolutionary day, pondering all of this. "What can I do for God?" I thought. "What can I do to share this love I'm feeling, the joy I'm finding in the knowledge that it will forever be mutual? What can I do to spread this to other people so that they can find this great love too?"

And an answer came. You could write about it.

"Um, now? It's midnight. I'll do it tomorrow."


Or you could do it now, while it's fresh in your mind.

The things I do for love. I turned on the light, opened my laptop, and settled down for a long period of writing that has now lasted an hour and ten minutes. I am now officially tired. My butt is sore, my legs are stiff, I have to pee, and I am beginning to feel brain constipation take over.

But you know what? I have a God that is completely worth all that and more and who deserves to be the love of my life, dang it.

Hopefully this is first of many ways I can share that love. Because you're the love of His life too.

And I bet He's not a bad-looking fellow, either.